T'was the night before Yiffmas

Twas the night before Yiffmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was murring, not even a mouse;

The cock rings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Dragoneer soon would be there;

The furries were nestled all snug in their beds;

While visions of dog knots danced in their heads;

The pups in their collars, sticky like sap,

All tuckered out from their messy group fap,

When out on FA there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my kennel to see what was the matter.

Away to the PC I flew like a flash,

Logged into my account, and pulled up the dash.

Christmas themed submissions by Harlem and Ace,

Candy canes and snow dogs, everywhere, every place.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But the eight sets of antlers on eight massive rein-deer,

With lick of my lips, I clicked it real quick,

I knew in a moment I'd see reindeer dick.

More massive than Chances, I moaned them by name,

And I grunted, and shouted, and pawwed til I came:

"Oh, Dasher! oh, Dancer! oh, Prancer and Vixen!

Oh, Comet! oh, Cupid! oh, Donner and Blitzen! "

All over the desk! all over the walls!

I made such a mess and emptied my balls!

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of many a hoof.

As I drew in my head and was turning around,

Down the chimney, Rudolph came with a bound.

He was covered in fur, from his head to his hoof,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a dream with his big reindeer sack.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his belly so hairy!

I bent over and begged him to pop my ass-cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the fur on his chin was speckled with snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled up my stocking; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside on his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

“Happy Yiffmas to all, and to all a good night!”